Birthday Dare
by ViDez
Summary: In my pants. - Rated for innuendo. XD Happy b-day, L! Decided to submit it early.


**A/N: I don't own Death Note. Nope. Nada. Stop asking me. D:**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY L, FOR OCTOBER 31ST! :)**

**In this story, L was handcuffed to Light. **

**Some random L humour.**

**And pants.**

* * *

In Wammy's House, there are many traditions.

Today, we are going to look into one particular tradition that affects everyone in the orphanage once a year. It is impossible to avoid this tradition once you have officially been added into the database which holds all the details of the inhabitants of the orphanage. Children, staff, and even Quillish Wammy himself is listed in the database. Their file is stuck there for the rest of their lives, even when they get adopted or graduate from the house. The database is hard to hack into, as it was designed by Wammy, who was a great inventor.

So a boy named Mail Jeevas - or rather Matt - pulled an all-nighter just to hack into the database. The red-head was merely curious, and he wondered what the database stored. So one day he just decided out of the blue that he was going to hack into the 'Wammy House Files', as he calls it. Matt planned out the entire thing for a whole week, even getting some help from a certain chocoholic and a white-haired boy to point out any flaws. When he decided it was absolutely perfect, he hopped onto his laptop and started working from 9PM, all the way to 7AM the next day.

The red-head jumped a bit from his chair when he heard some shuffling from the other side of the room. He turned around and relaxed when it was just his roommate, Mihael Keehl - the blonde preferred Mello - waking up from his peaceful slumber. Sapphire eyes blinked sleepily at Matt, and the blonde's lips frowned.

"You look tired." Mello stated, pointing out the obvious.

Matt took off his goggles to reveal tired jade eyes, and under them were heavy black bags. The red-head chuckled, "I probably look like L now, don't I?"

Mello smirked, "Kinda, though L's bags are darker."

"I did it, Mels." Matt suddenly announced, "I hacked into the database!"

"No way!" Mello yelped, scrambling out of his sheet and next to Matt. He grabbed the mouse off Matt's hands and started scrolling down the list of names. "Let's see… Ah hah!"

The chocoholic clicked on a file named 'Near'. Suddenly a window popped up, showing a white-haired boy's photo and his details. Mello giggled, "Hehe, I now know Near's real name!" He hissed, the name _Nate River_ stored in his memory.

"Yeah, yeah. Nice to know Mels." Matt grumbled, rubbing his left eye. His other eye caught a particular name, "Look, there's L." He exclaimed quietly, careful not to wake the other orphans up.

The blonde eagerly clicked on the detective's name, and another window popped up. It showed L's picture and details. Mello blinked, "L is his actual first name?" He muttered incredulously. He scrolled down a bit more and froze.

Matt noticed this quickly, "Why did you stop?" He inquired, poking Mello on the shoulder.

"L's birthday is in a few days! October 31st!" Mello squealed excitedly, bouncing a bit on the spot.

"Shh!" Matt hushed, "You might wake someone up!"

"Too late," A voice behind them droned. The two friends whipped their heads around to see Near, in all of his white glory. The younger boy yawned cutely, "I could hear you two muttering from my room, which is next to yours." He rubbed his dark eye with his long white sleeve.

"Hey, Near!" Matt grinned, "Look at this!"

Mello gave him a small glare, as if to say: 'WTF are you doing, dipshit?!' Matt shrugged Mello off.

Near walked over next to Matt. He blinked, "Did you hack into the database?"

Mello rolled his eyes, "No shit, _Nate_."

Near frowned, "You aren't supposed to call people here by their real names, _Mihael_."

"Okay, okay!" Matt interrupted before Mello could ask how Near got his name. "According to this, L's birthday is on October 31st. That's a few days from now. So that means he must face _the tradition_."

Near let out a small gasp, "Oh," He murmured, "But who's going to assign it to him?"

Mello hummed, "We are, and I've got an idea…"

--

_**October 31**__**st**_

_**L's Headquarters at Japan**_

"_Master L,"_ Watari's voice sounded through the speakers of the laptop, _"I have an incoming call from M, N, and M2."_

"Hmm?" L looked up from his cake and blinked, "…Let them through." He ordered stiffly.

"_Of course, give me a moment."_ And the W disappeared off the screen.

L's eyes narrowed, putting his thumb on his lips making the chains between Light and him rattle. He briefly glanced at the chain, almost forgetting it was there. Next to him, Light raised an eyebrow questioningly, but didn't say anything.

Suddenly three letters came up on the big screen, all in the same font as his L. M, N, and M2.

"_Hey, L!"_ Mello's and Matt's voice sounded through. L could barely make out a quiet 'hello' from Near. They didn't use the distorted voices.

L hummed, "What is it, you three? Don't you have homework to do?" The rest of the people in the room looked at L and the screen, wondering who he was talking to.

"_It's Halloween, we don't have homework. Woot!"_ Matt squealed. _"Oh, and by the way..."_

"_Happy birthday, L!" _The three boys chimed enthusiastically, Near's voice sounding a lot less enthusiastic than the other two.

L blinked, so did the police, Misa, and Light. "How did you find out my birthday?" He asked.

"…" They other line was silent.

"Nevermind," L sighed, but smiled nonetheless. "Thank you, boys."

"_Now we gotta do the tradition everyone has to go through on their birthday!" _Mello giggled.

"Oh shit." L muttered, his words ringing around the silent room.

"_Oh shit is right, L."_ Near muttered. _"M picked the birthday dare for this year, and trust me it's pretty humiliating."_

Matt burst into laughter, _"You gotta… you gotta…" _

"_You gotta finish every sentence you say with 'in my pants' for the rest of the day!"_ Mello finished, also bursting into laughter,

"I have to see this." Light murmured to himself, leaning back in his chair casually and smirking at L.

L glared at the teen, "Thirty percent." The detective stated. Light frowned.

"_Hey, hey, hey!"_ Matt exclaimed, _"You gotta say it!"_

"…In my pants." L droned. The boys, Matsuda, and Misa giggled.

--

The next few hours were very boring for L, as he only droned on unenthusiastically about the recent kills by Kira, ending each sentence with 'In my pants'. The boys stayed on the line, hearing L's every word through the speakers of Matt's laptop.

"…Unfortunately, Hiro Kazuki has just died from a heart attack, in my pants." L finished.

Light chuckled, "Hehe, this 'M' is a genius."

"_Thank you."_ Mello smirked from his line.

"How much longer, in my pants?" L rolled his eyes.

When the boys didn't answer, L raised a fine eyebrow. "Boys?" He paused, knowing the sentence will sound… weird. "…in my pants?"

From the other line, Near giggled. _"That sounded wrong, L."_ He stated, amused. _"Mello and Matt just went out of the room to get lunch."_

"Oh?" L tilted his head. "What is it, in my pants?"

Light shuddered, for reasons he did not know why.

"_Salami!"_ Matt declared. There were some thumps in their line, signalling Matt skipping into the room.

And at that moment, L formulated a plan.

Just to make his suspect squirm.

"Really, now, in my pants?" L smirked, "_Describe_ the salami, in my pants."

"_Okay!"_ The gamer agreed, oblivious to the innuendo. _"It's big, juicy, and yummy too!"_ Next to him, Near and Mello stared at the red-head and their laptop, horrified.

"What does it taste like, in my pants?" L said airily.

Light's eye twitched, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

There was a small, squelching sound. _"…tastes salty."_ Matt grimaced.

"OKAY, STOP DESCRIBING THE SALAMI NOW!" Light cracked, glaring at L.

"Does Light-kun not like salami, in my pants?" L smirked deviously.

Behind them, Misa's face became red with anger. "You are such a pervert, Ryuzaki!" She yelled, pointing accusingly at the detective.

"Mm, maybe… In my pants." On the inside, chibi-L was laughing his super-intelligent brain off.

"…Just shut up, Ryuzaki." The ex-Kira groaned, putting a hand to his forehead.

"What about _you_ shut up, Light kun, In. My. Pants." L's smirk now developed into a shit-eating grin.

"Ryuzaki!"

--

On the other side, Matt blinked. "Should we stop them?" He asked, putting down his newly-made salami sandwich.

"No," Both Near and Mello said.

The blonde glanced at Near curiously. "Did we just agree on something together?"

"It appears so. But we shouldn't stop them because…" Near continued, leaning back in his chair. "…This is too amusing to pass up."

* * *

**A/N: This was fun to write. XD**

**L's a perv.**


End file.
